Freelancer: shunyatva
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Neither: Both are Way too long & meandering

Shucks, the contest is already over! :'( Here's what I did anyway. Also, it's rude to take poor Taunee's name & pick a fight like that. So the edited version's way much softer than both the originals. Cheers & all the best w/your apartment. :-)

Contest Entry #10 for                                                 Vote for, Write, and/or Edit a Persuasive Email

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