Rewrite this script for a medical ad

  • Status: Closed
  • Prize: $100
  • Entries Received: 8
  • Winner: WeaselWorks

Contest Brief

Need assistance with RE-WRITING this script as it currently reads as a “sales” pitch and not something specific to a patient journey for our virtual (or decentralized) service.

The script that was drafted by our current writer sounds too sales-y, and specifically around the utility of decentralized virtual trials. From the current script (attached) we would not just want them to just focus on virtual trials but also clinical trials in general. From a patient perspective, I don’t know how much they would even assume at this point a trial means you go into a site given that they would have gotten care via remote during the whole pandemic
- Also, we aren’t selling a DCT service, which is how the text (from the attached script) sounds, but rather trying to get them involved in the trial with the bonus that it can be from the comfort of their own home
The new script should take the following in consideration.
A flow could look like:
1. Explain the purpose of the trial (some more detailed version of “we are trying to understand how a new candidate antidepressant medication works, and for whom it works best”) without over-promising or precision-type language. It takes place in your home with support from Our study staff through virtual visits.
2. Participation in the trials (at a high level) involves X, Y, Z with the benefit to you (the patient) being opportunity to benefit clinically from the treatment, as well as advance innovation in this type of indication so that we can understand who best responds to the drug
3. The drug itself has been in clinical trials previously with side effects no different from placebo (and then whatever language but at a high level we have on this in the consent). A physician will oversee the prescription and monitoring of the medication.
4. If you qualify for the study, the drug will be given in addition to whatever you are currently taking
5. You will go through the following procedures (interview with a clinician, answer questionnaires on your history and symptoms, do certain procedures that would help us determine the best treatment specific to you! behavioral tests, use a wearable, provide a laboratory sample for clinical laboratory assessments get blood drawn for labs, monitor your BP/HR at home). All of these (apart from the blood draw) are done from the comfort of your home. And then flesh each of these out a bit so they understand what’s involved but also ensure that all of this is paid by us and nothing coming out of their pocket! All free!
6. Participation will require X hrs on Y days spread over the 9 weeks of study duration.
7. You will also be paid $$ for the time it takes to participate in the study
8. Click yes if you are interested in taking part, want to learn more about participation, and commit to having the time required to complete all of the study components. They can then directly book into a calendar to schedule a call with a study coordinator. Also give the option to say no this is not for me right now but I would like to be considered for other studies conducted by us!

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Employer Feedback

“Clark was by far the very best creative writer out there! He was punctual... communicative... skilled and was well worth the wait!!! Would hire over and over again!!! ”

Profile image abdelfa, United States.

Top entries from this contest

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Public Clarification Board

  • greenequail
    greenequail
    • 2 years ago

    Fadi- What is the purpose of this "script"? Are you trying to get people to sign up for this trial to test this new med? If you are, you don't need all this extraneous material in the piece. These candidates want to know what the trial is for, what they get out of it, how much time will be required of them, the risks (if any), and maybe appeal to their sense of doing good for their fellow man. All this other crap (which I've seen in some of these writings) is unreadable and doesn't make any sense at all. If you want something direct and to the point, mine is the one, and it should be rated 5 stars and selected. I don't get you or this contest.

    • 2 years ago
  • sahilsharma19810
    sahilsharma19810
    • 2 years ago

    i will also write article on it

    • 2 years ago
  • sahilsharma19810
    sahilsharma19810
    • 2 years ago

    hey brother i can provide u market strategy .

    • 2 years ago
  • ShankarJayaraj
    ShankarJayaraj
    • 2 years ago

    Thank you for your precise feedback remarks.
    I will certainly be submitting an entry!

    • 2 years ago
    1. abdelfa
      Contest Holder
      • 2 years ago

      I will review - thank you.

      • 2 years ago
  • greenequail
    greenequail
    • 2 years ago

    If you have a moment could you check entry #17 and see if it's on track? Thank you.

    • 2 years ago
    1. abdelfa
      Contest Holder
      • 2 years ago

      I will review - thank you.

      • 2 years ago
  • shehzadshoukat17
    shehzadshoukat17
    • 2 years ago

    Please review my Entry #18

    • 2 years ago
    1. abdelfa
      Contest Holder
      • 2 years ago

      I will review - thank you.

      • 2 years ago
  • supersystemng
    supersystemng
    • 2 years ago

    Good Day Contest Holder,

    First of all, I like to thank you for this contest and the opportunity to partner with you on this contest project

    I wish to implore you to review and rate the entries as we submit as doing this will help us understand how close we are to your objectives, make improvements as we submit updated entries and ultimately help you achieve your goals

    Do you mind reviewing and rating all entries please?

    Looking forward

    Kind Regards

    Simeon

    • 2 years ago
    1. abdelfa
      Contest Holder
      • 2 years ago

      I will review - thank you.

      • 2 years ago
  • ElioRr13
    ElioRr13
    • 2 years ago

    Hi could you check my entry

    • 2 years ago
    1. abdelfa
      Contest Holder
      • 2 years ago

      I will review - thank you.

      • 2 years ago
  • supersystemng
    supersystemng
    • 2 years ago

    Can you be kind to review entire 21 and 22 ? Kind Regards

    • 2 years ago
    1. abdelfa
      Contest Holder
      • 2 years ago

      I will review - thank you.

      • 2 years ago
  • cfigueira9
    cfigueira9
    • 2 years ago

    Would it be possible to also look at #14 and if so, could you please make a comment?

    • 2 years ago
    1. abdelfa
      Contest Holder
      • 2 years ago

      I will review - thank you.

      • 2 years ago
  • WeaselWorks
    WeaselWorks
    • 2 years ago

    Dear Sir,

    I just wanted you to know that I am still working on my submission for the rewrite of your ad. If you can, picture that young adult who has taken apart his car, has the parts spread all over the garage, feels he knows how everything works, and is now beginning the task of reassembling it ... into a completely different vehicle.

    I have also done some research on Alto and will be "installing" a few extra ... "parts."

    I appreciate your patience.

    • 2 years ago
    1. abdelfa
      Contest Holder
      • 2 years ago

      Completely understand and will await till you submit! I promise... and thank you for letting me know!

      • 2 years ago
  • WeaselWorks
    WeaselWorks
    • 2 years ago

    I'm sorry. I'm afraid I got off track with my last comment. What I meant to try to ask is, in the ideal version of this script that you're seeing in your mind, if this is not to be a "persuasive" article, what style of writing are you most hoping it will reflect or embody: informational? educational? Given the sign-up process will remain, it is to a degree, at least, a call to action.

    I will be happy to hear any additional thoughts you may have about this.

    With that said, I'm getting started now. I'll incorporate your responses to the questions I've asked into my work as I see them.

    Thank you.

    • 2 years ago
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    1. abdelfa
      Contest Holder
      • 2 years ago

      WE WANT AN ARTICLE THAT SPEAKS TO THE Patient and their journey with Alto Neuroscience!!!

      • 2 years ago
    2. WeaselWorks
      WeaselWorks
      • 2 years ago

      Thank you very much, both for your encouraging words and for your direct and detailed responses to my many queries. :D

      I will most definitely be submitting an entry!

      • 2 years ago
  • WeaselWorks
    WeaselWorks
    • 2 years ago

    Finally, perhaps you could elaborate more on how you would like to see a script that is less sales-pitch-y. If I understand your aim correctly, you do want patients to see the benefit of clinical trials in general, and that requires a "persuasive" essay or article. With that, and when you add the "bonus" of being able to do these trials "in the comfort of your home," you are basically turning it back into a sales pitch. I get it: just LESS sales-pitch-y, right?

    • 2 years ago
    1. abdelfa
      Contest Holder
      • 2 years ago

      You are correct in that 'comfort of your home' is a sales pitch but let us focus on making it a statement since the fact is that some of our trials will be 100% virtual should they have busy schedule which will not allow them to visit the nearest clinician, doctor or Alto investigator BUT we also will allow some to have the freedom to face to face interaction with the doctor (should they want that). It really is about telling them about our flexibility and adaptability. We offer both...

      • 2 years ago
  • WeaselWorks
    WeaselWorks
    • 2 years ago

    Next, how important are these WORD and IMAGE things in red font to our finished product? I mean, are they intended as clues for us to use or follow, or do they simply inform us what would be seen on the webpage or document in its current form?

    Is it OK if our new script does not lend itself to the insertion of these texts – the red-type stuff, I mean?

    If you WOULD like us to incorporate them, it might be helpful for us to be able to see exactly how that text and those images look, if that's possible.

    • 2 years ago
    1. abdelfa
      Contest Holder
      • 2 years ago

      Do NOT worry about the WORD and IMAGE things in red font for the finished product

      • 2 years ago
  • WeaselWorks
    WeaselWorks
    • 2 years ago

    I was also going to ask about the visual aspect of the project. As I understand the task, you are only interested in having us rewrite the text of the script, right? Meaning, we should not take the time to DESIGN something (with the perfect font and supporting graphics) for you, should we?

    • 2 years ago
    1. abdelfa
      Contest Holder
      • 2 years ago

      Rewrite the text of the script do NOT take the time to DESIGN the ad or use special font or supporting graphics.

      • 2 years ago
  • priyajen
    priyajen
    • 2 years ago

    #guaranteed please?

    • 2 years ago
    1. abdelfa
      Contest Holder
      • 2 years ago

      Done

      • 2 years ago
  • sudip20simkhada
    sudip20simkhada
    • 2 years ago

    Should we modify with image? or only rewriting?

    • 2 years ago
    1. abdelfa
      Contest Holder
      • 2 years ago

      Rewriting only

      • 2 years ago

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