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...middle school students. We've already used all the capabilities chatgpt has to offer. Now we're looking for high quality jokes written by real humour professionals. Example of a typical joke generated with chatgpt : Would you rather share a huge birthday cake with a dragon or a giant milkshake with a unicorn? Example with a human writer: Would you rather have a long, sticky tongue to grab your friends' sweets or teeth that keep growing back so you can eat lots of sweets? We refuse all jokes that are racist, discriminating, sexual, violent, political or religious, vulgar, brutal, about drugs, harassment, illness, disability, death, physical appearance, school problems, poverty, fears and phobias. In view of these restrictions, the accepted subjects are: food,...

1 Need to build a website monitoring program to monitor changes in sub-pages of the landing page Detailed requirements: The website needs to have SQL function because batch site monitoring needs to be uploaded. 2 Identify the link to the final sub-page login keyword such as Proxy function and mobile phone UA because mobile phone batch UA is required Multi-thread monitoring 3 Filter duplicates and monitor changes in subpages of the website Set a custom time to refresh the web page

...looking for a qualified and competent developer & design to create a lending page for my project. The main goal is conversion, thus the landing page should have the following key features: - A lead generation form that will capture potential client's information effectively. - A design that is both bright and colorful, reflecting the aesthetics of my company and our products. - It should be optimized for mobile view. Given the nature of this project, I'm open to creative ideas that might enhance the look and functionality of the page. Ensure that the design is clean, engaging, and user-friendly for ease of navigation and better user experience. The ideal candidate should: - Have extensive experience in landing page development. - Be skilled...

i want a simple landing page like this : (is mine landing web) i need for another proyect a "whatsapp bot" Please fell free to contact me.

I have a detailed, digital drawing of a couple of processes and I need a professional to convert it into a 1-page flow chart using Microsoft Visio. This task should take less than an hour for an experienced individual. Requirements: - Convert a digital, highly detailed process drawing (attached) into a 1-page flow chart - Expertise in Microsoft Visio - Any flow chart model you can use that is editable in case of changes. The ideal candidate should be able to quickly understand the processes from the drawing and translate them into a clear, concise and visually appealing flow chart. Experience with similar tasks and a quick turnaround are both highly desirable.

I'm seeking a talented web developer to build an E-commerce platform dedicated to physical products. As the ideal candidate, your skills and expertise should cover: - Extensive e-commerce website development experience - Familiarity with creating websites oriented towards selling physical products - Proficiency in integrating Bank Transfers and PayPal payment methods onto websites Your prime responsibility will be crafting a reliable, user-friendly e-commerce website that can facilitate seamless transactions. Knowing how to make a site that's easy to navigate and appealing to potential customers is critical to your role. Your dedication and attention to detail will directly influence the success of our virtual store. Let's create an e-commerce site that's perfect for ...

I have a backend code for a pre-existing fully function website and mobile app. The backend code is currently all written in php. I need someone to convert this existing php code into fully functional python code which I can deploy.

..., I will understand. Then I will understand and give login access you to my hosting, and your job and its price will be fixed at $25. I won't reply to anyone's bid; I've already wasted a lot of time. Whoever wants to work can create the same product page on their own and bid. I'll talk then, otherwise not. I'm looking for a skilled WordPress developer : I only need one page. It must have a product that functions like this one: I need same website landing page but just to reiterate, the functions are more important than the look. From custom wording to a handcrafted cover, the Personalized High School Diploma for Homeschools is an official document to honor your grad! Homeschool Diploma The product must be

I'm looking for a talented jewelry designer who specializes in creating classic rings. We are a Shanghai-based company specializing in jewelry and packaging manufacturing, collaborating with premier factories across China to deliver top-quality products. Currently, we are seeking skilled 3D designers to join us in a collaborative venture. Beyond design creation, we invite you to collaborate closely with us, leveraging your expertise and industry connections to enhance our offerings. Together, we'll craft outstanding designs and provide unparalleled value to our clients. Requirements: - Proficiency in 3D modeling and rendering software - CAD skills - Excellent attention to detail - Commitment to fostering a mutually beneficial partnership - Ability to work independently a...

I need a modern HTML front page designed with CSS. This page should include text, images, and videos all in a single, cohesive layout. Key points: - A single, modern, and sleek design - A user-friendly experience The ideal freelancer should be proficient in HTML and CSS, with an eye for modern, minimalist design. Experience in integrating text, images, and videos into a single, harmonious layout will be highly valued. The site should look like below

I am looking for help building my landing page design wordpress site. I have purchased the domain and theme plug-in (envato travel tour) but i need help installing it, and editing the home page. Then I need help editing a template for a tour page, where I can copy it and create similar other tour pages, along with a contact page and FAQ page after. I also need help installing a plug in where the site is GEO-blocked from Mexico and the US, along with yoast seo and maybe others.

We need a one-page landing page for an IT-product created, if this works out well, we need help to create more landing pages. 1.) Make a design proposal of a one-page landing page site 2.) Create the design (with SEO in mind) in Wordpress with Divi or Maxiblocks (preferred), preferably populate with suitable free (usage rights) pictures. 3.) Possibly some minor design adjustment after we add our own data to the page. We want a static price for this. Thank you!

Hi First Page SEO, I noticed your profile and would like to offer you my project. We can discuss any details over chat.

...Wikipedia page focusing on an individual biography, I'm in search of a skilled and experienced Wikipedia writer/editor. Your task will be to create a comprehensive, engaging, and factually accurate biography. Key Responsibilities: - Creating a new Wikipedia page that provides an in-depth biography. - Implementing verified sources to support the information. Ideal Candidate: - Experienced Wikipedia editor - Capable of writing engaging biographies - Has worked on similar projects before - Proficient in researching and fact-checking to ensure accuracy - Familiarity with Wikipedia's sourcing and style guidelines I am able to provide several verified sources to back up the information on the Wikipedia biography page. I am keen on a detailed, rigorous, and...

Content and Layout provided (figma) Three links (two subpages - content provided) + external link to pdf files

I'm in need of a comprehensive 15-page report on utilizing Parasoft or Klocwork for C/C++ programming. The report should cover the following: - **Installation and Setup**: A detailed guide on how to install and set up Parasoft and Klocwork for C/C++. - **Configuring Rules and Standards**: Explanation on how to effectively configure rules and adhere to coding standards within both software. - **Analyzing and Obtaining Results**: An insightful overview on how to analyze code and obtain results using Parasoft and Klocwork. - **Pros and Cons**: Pros and cons of using both tools and an unbiased comparison. Ideal candidate should have: - Profound experience with Parasoft or Klocwork - Strong knowledge of C/C++ - Exceptional technical writing skills The report must be well-o...

I'm interested in purchasing apps that have been released on the Google platform. I'm looking for apps that fall into categories such as entertainment, games, tools, movies, and videos. The desired apps should have the following features: - In-Application migration, and source code signature file and password provided. - Push notifications to keep users engaged and informed about new updates. - Social media integration to help users share their experiences and invite others to use the app. The specific functionalities I seek include: - User profiles for personalized experience. - A robust search functionality for easy navigation. - Video streaming feature to broadcast various contents. - Different levels for games to keep users engaged and challenged. - Categoriz...

1 Need to build a website monitoring program to monitor changes in sub-pages of the landing page Detailed requirements: The website needs to have SQL function because batch site monitoring needs to be uploaded. 2 Identify the link to the final sub-page login keyword such as Proxy function and mobile phone UA because mobile phone batch UA is required Multi-thread monitoring 3 Filter duplicates and monitor changes in subpages of the website Set a custom time to refresh the web page 4 Send the new URL of the subpage change to the created group through the telegram machine

I'm in need of a capable and experienced developer to create new C++ code from scratch for an Action/Adventure game. Requirements: - Develop comprehensive C++ code that satisfies the requirements and concept of an action/adventure game - Ensuring a highly interactive and engaging user interface - Maintain high performance and prevent any bugs or errors Ideal skills and experience: - Experienced in coding from scratch using C++ - Strong background and portfolio in game development, specifically in action/adventure games - Ability to troubleshoot and problem solve potential issues quickly and efficiently The end product should be a well-structured and written code that can be easily built upon in the future if needed. Candidates should be detail-oriented and a...

I'm seeking a design expert to create a clean, minimalist landing page focused on promoting my product/service. Please make sure to integrate the following details about my offerings into the design: - Specifications of product/service - Testimonials/reviews - Comprehensive price list - Terms and conditions - List of services The ideal freelancer for this task would have extensive experience in minimalist design and a keen understanding of marketing fundamentals to optimally position the product/service. The aim is to communicate these details clearly while still maintaining a clean and uncluttered aesthetic. Experience in conversion optimization and user experience principles will also be a significant advantage, as the end goal is not just to inform but to engage visitors...

...introduce DTLS to an existing system for secure communication. - Tight deadline: This project needs to be completed within two weeks. Timeliness and reliability are crucial. I need the data coming from the server to the client over UDP socket to be encrypted with DTLS, and it should appear as DTLS in the protocol section of Wireshark. In addition, the code should be able to handle streaming video or live feed over the socket accordingly. This code should work in linux and windows. Ideal Skills and Experience: - Proficiency in C: Extensive experience with C language is a must. - DTLS Knowledge: Prior experience implementing DTLS is highly preferred. - Security Background: Strong understanding of encryption protocols and data integrity is necessary. - Time Management: Abi...

I'm in need of a skilled and experienced Amibroker coder to help me write AFL code that will be used to automate trading activities in the Stocks and Futures markets. Key Responsibilities: - Writing AFL code to implement a strategy that will automatically execute trades based on predefined rules. - Ensuring the code is robust, efficient and able to handle the complexities of both the Stocks and Futures markets. Ideal Skills and Experience: - Extensive experience in writing AFL code for Amibroker. - Proven track record in developing and implementing automated trading strategies. - In-depth understanding of both the Stocks and Futures markets to ensure the code is appropriate for both. If you're interested, please provide examples of previous A...

...a professional Wikipedia editor who can help create a Wikipedia page for my company. This is a very important project for us, so we're looking for someone with proven experience and expertise in Wikipedia editing. Requirements: -Content Creation: You'll be responsible for writing the content for the Wikipedia page. The content should be well-researched, informative, and neutral. -Notability Verification: We have multiple reliable third-party sources to verify the notability of our company. You should be able to effectively use these sources to establish the credibility of our page. -Approval and Publication: Once the page is written and ready, your job will be to get it approved and published. We will only pay after the page is successfully ...

...you can offer. - Campaign Purpose: I chose GoFundMe as a platform to raise vital funds and prevent potential homelessness, which shows the urgency and gravity of the situation. - Fundraising Goal: My aim is to raise a target amount of $10,000. These funds will make a significant impact in providing a stable living condition and necessary support. - Audience: This cause isn't restricted to just friends, family, or a local community. It's a dire circumstance that could arise for any individual, making it relevant to a global audience. Ideal candidates for this project should: - Have an experience in social media promotions or fundraising campaigns. - Understand the sensitivities of the situation and communicate it eloquently and genuinely to appeal to donors. - Have a...

I'm looking for a creative designer to craft an invitation card for my baby's naming ceremony. I've decided on a pink and gold theme, which should be tastefully incorporated into the design. Key Requirements: - The card should be visually captivating and in line with the theme. - I need both digital (e-invite) and printable (PDF) versions of the card. - It should not include any photos. Ideal Skills: - Proficiency in graphic design, especially for invitation cards. - Experience with creating both digital and printable formats. - A good understanding of color schemes and design aesthetics. If you have a portfolio or previous work that aligns with this project, please share it. I'm excited to work with a professional who can bring my vision to life.

If you are familiar with AWS programming, this should be a simple task for you. I have included an example C# solution using AWS Transcribe that I need to be working. Example Program: AWS ...-started Requirements: • I will create a new AWS free account and will supply credentials. • In my AWS account, configure any IAM role/policy/user/credentials needed to run the example program. • Change the example program to accept credentials (accessKey/secretKey) as arguments passed to the executable. • Ensure that the corrected code successfully converts the speech in the audio file to text using the AWS Transcribe service. Deliverables: • All source code • Instructions on executing executable with actual credentials

I am looking for a professional to support with my LinkedIn Page. - The first phase of the project will involve creating and optimizing the page to ensure it is set up for success. - I then need assistance in managing content and posts, with daily updates to be posted. - Finally, the freelancer should be able to analyze performance metrics of the page to ensure that it is effectively generating leads and conversions. Ideal skills and experience include: - Proven experience in managing successful LinkedIn pages for business purposes - Strong content creation and social media management skills - Proficiency in analyzing performance metrics on LinkedIn - Prior experience in lead generation would be a significant asset. I aim to build a strong professional presence ...

Saya cukup familiar sebagai development website, memahami Hosting, Cpanel, Spanel dll, maintenance website, mempercepat loading speed website, debug sistem, revamp website, membuat company profile, blog, ecommerce, news portal, forum, salespage, landing page. Convert PSD to HTML (Slicing + Responsive Layout All Device), menguasai CMS wordpress (13th), Woocommerce (pengalaman 11th), plugin wordpress, blog Wordpress, CMS online shop opencart (pengalaman 11th), CMS Ecommerce Magento (pengalaman 6 tahun ), framework CI, php native. Selain develop website, Saya juga bisa membantu website dengan mengoptimalkan SEO User Friendly. Menguasai DIgital Marketing, Google Analytics, Google Map Business, Google Ads, Google Adsense, Facebok Ads, Instaram Ads, Menguasai Search Engine Marketing (SEM)...

I am in need of a professional who can design a lead generation page aimed at small business owners. The page is meant to collect both email addresses and phone numbers. Key requirements: - Design, build, and optimize a lead generation page specifically for small business owners - Ensure the page is user-friendly and effectively captures both email addresses and phone numbers - Implement best practices for lead generation and data collection Ideal Skills and Experience: - Proven track record in designing and creating effective lead generation pages - Understanding of user experience and conversion optimization - Familiarity with lead capture software and tools - Previous experience working with small business owners is a plus

I'm creating a personal prom short film and require a filmmaker that can create a pre-prom montage focusing on family and relationship. In this short social media film, a distinctive scene needs to be included featuring my friends and taking group photos. It’s important to capture not just the final pose but a mixture of both the process of taking photos and the final image. Consequently, the freelancer ideally should have experience with event-based filmmaking, specifically capturing candid moments and cool editing into an instagram video. Proven ability to tell a clear and compelling visual narrative is required.

I'm seeking a talented designer to work with us on a GIG or part time basis. We need you to revamp company's email branding Key Requirements: - Modern, clean design styl...Your experience in email branding design and a keen grasp of modern design trends will be essential for this project. Please provide examples of your previous email branding work and explain how you would approach this task. You will have skills in using either figma, photoshop, canva or beefree PART 1 We have a 1 hour paid mock test for the right person If the design is really good We will invite you to PART 2 Then you will design it in the email system (make sure it works, layout is mobile optimised and dark mode etc) Future reference Generally, we award a gig that has a task of 10+ templa...

My goal is to craft a captivating online platform that will serve as a gallery to exhibit a multitude of art pieces. This webpage will principally serve the following functions: * Display more than 20 works of art * Present an artist's biography * Feature various interview videos Ideal Project Executor: - A freelancer with a keen eye for aesthetics, who can create an attractive and immersive user experience. - Experience in website development that focuses on art or related fields. - Proficiency in efficiently organizing large volumes of content in a neat, user-friendly manner. - Expertise in embedding video content into websites. - A deep understanding of my goals for this project. Looking forward to potential collaborations to imbue life into this project.

...the same product page on their own and bid. I'll talk then, otherwise not." I'm looking for a skilled WordPress developer : I only need one page. It must have a product that functions like this one: I need same website landing page From custom wording to a handcrafted cover, the Personalized High School Diploma for Homeschools is an official document to honor your grad! Homeschool Diploma The product must be customizable with text and adornments that the customer chooses. The most important part is that the customization choices will show on the picture in real time. In other words, the picture will change each time a customization is added. If you could duplicate the product on this page exactly as it is

I am looking for a skilled web developer to create a straightforward, one-page website. - Landing Page Content: The page should include a brief description of the services my company offers. - Goal: The primary purpose of the landing page is to provide information to visitors. The target audience for this website is the general public, so the design should be user-friendly and accessible to a broad range of people. Please note that I do not wish to negotiate details in chat. Your bid should reflect your final price for the project. Thank you.

I'm looking for a talented graphic designer to create a sleek and modern 3-page brochure targeting homeowners. This brochure will be used to inform potential clients about our custom home building design process. Key elements for the brochure include: - A visually appealing, modern and sleek design that resonates with the target audience - A detailed explanation of our custom home building process in a clear and engaging manner Ideally, you are someone who: - Has a strong portfolio showcasing modern and sleek design aesthetic - Has experience in designing brochures or marketing materials for the real estate or home building industry - Can come up with creative solutions and engaging visuals to communicate complex concepts in a simple manner This project is perfect for a des...

I am looking for an experienced Full Stack developer with experience in TypeScript to rewrite the existing codebase of a web application. We have a copy of the old code base and all the tech stack interactions but require the code to be rewritten as we no longer have rights to the current webapp. Ideal Skills: - Proficient with TypeScript - Hosting with Vercel and Neon - Code review and improvement - Strong knowledge of software development principles and best practices. Please mention your relevant experience when bidding for the project and provide a brief explanation of how you plan to approach this task. Details will be ironed out once the freelancer has been chosen.

I'm in need a Ponzi MLM website, which includes the following features: - User Registration and Login: A secure system for users to create accounts and log in to the platform. - Investment Plans and Earnings Tracking: A feature where users can invest money and track their earnings over time. - Referral System and Commission Tracking: An in-built referral system that allows users to invite others and earn commissions from their investments. I am particularly interested in similar projects that have been completed in the past. If you have a Ponzi MLM website that you've developed, please share an example so I can evaluate its compatibility with my needs. Ideal Skills and Experience: - Proven track record in developing Ponzi MLM websites - Strong understanding of user reg...

This week, I am in need of a uniquely designed and expertly developed landing page using Square Space. The main focus of the page is to showcase the company. I want to capture the attention of visitors with an eye-catching logo, compelling headline, paragraph and CTA linked to job site - all info I will provide. - For the design and development aspect, having high-level experience with Square Space is what I want. Understanding the capabilities of this platform will allow you to bring my vision to life. - I'll provide all the necessary content for the landing page including the text for the headline and paragraph. - Lastly, expertise in user experience design is necessary to ensure the CTA that links to the job site works. In summary, experience in Square Space...

I am looking for an experienced CNC programmer to help me program M codes on my Syntec 60W-e CNC controller. I have 3 unused out relays that I want to use, and I would like each of them to be assigned to specific M code...looking for an experienced CNC programmer to help me program M codes on my Syntec 60W-e CNC controller. I have 3 unused out relays that I want to use, and I would like each of them to be assigned to specific M codes. Here’s what I need: - Assign M code e.g. M30, M50 and M80 to the unused output relays. - The function they should perform is to turn an external device on/off. Skills and Experience: - Previous experience with CNC programming is crucial. - Familiarity with Syntec 60W-e CNC controller will be highly advantageous. - Proficiency in M code ...

I have a iOS application with a few bugs that needs fixing and adding the function of inviting phone contacts to our app. iOS application built in: - Objective C - Native App and UIKit I will share the specification document when we speak in freelancer chat.

I'm looking for a skilled Wikipedia editor to update a public figure's Wikipedia page with verifiable, online sources I will provide. Key Requirements: - Skilled Wikipedia Editor: You should have a proven track record of editing Wikipedia pages, ideally public figure pages. - Access to Online Sources: You will need to be able to access and incorporate the online sources I provide.

I need a talented web developer to create a small, yet impactful landing page for my advertising company. Additionally, I require the integration of a payment system and a user registration/login system. Key Requirements: - The landing page needs to be appealing and effective in showcasing our services. - The payment integration must support both Stripe and Credit Card Direct Processing. - A secure user registration and login system should be implemented using email and password. Ideal Candidate: - Proficient in web development with experience in creating user-friendly landing pages. - Prior experience in integrating payment systems, particularly Stripe and Credit Card Direct Processing. - Familiar with implementing secure user login systems with email and password registr...

I am looking to create an e-commerce page that sells a variety of 5 to 10 different categories of seasonal or limited-edition products/services. My main aim for this project is to sell these products online. Key Requirements: - An appealing and simple design that puts a spotlight on our seasonal and limited-edition items, stirring interest and pushing for sales. - The built-out web page should have distinct sections for each product category, simplifying navigation for potential buyers. Ideal skills and experience: - Extensive experience in e-commerce web design - Knowledge of optimal design strategies for online sales - Ability to create engaging, design-focused e-commerce platforms - Excellent understanding of UI/UX principles.

I'm looking for a skilled app developer who can create a user-friendly social networking app for both iOS and Android platforms. Key Features: - Messaging: Users should be able to communicate with each other through text, images, and videos. - Photo Sharing: The app should allow users to share photos with their friends and followers. - Event Planning: Users should be able to create, share, and attend events within the app. I need a developer who has experience working with social networking apps and is able to deliver a well-designed, smooth-running product.

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I'm looking to buy a complete and *READY* code for a football management browser game (like Hattrick, Trophy Manager, etc.). Essential features include: - Registration - Team creation and player management - Tactics creation - Transfers - Game simulation - Leagues system. Preferred technologies are JavaScript and C#, but others are acceptable. I'm also open to offers for partially finished games.

I'm in...proficient Python developer who can help compile a Python code, that I have acquired from GitHub, into an executable format for Windows. As the client, I expect: - Understanding the existing Python code and its dependencies - Transforming the Python code into a Windows executable file Successful freelancers should provide a detailed project proposal illustrating how they plan to compile the code to exe on a Windows operating system. Though no specific Python libraries or frameworks were mentioned, a background in Python coding and debugging is paramount. The ideal freelancer should have a deep understanding of Python code, dependencies, and experience dealing with code from GitHub. Experience in generating Windows executable files...

...need of a skilled Delphi developer, well-versed with Delphi 5, to work on an existing software project. The goal is to both fix bugs and enhance the software with new features, ultimately improving its performance. Key Responsibilities: - Identify and address issues causing certain features not to work - Implement necessary bug fixes - Integrate new features in a seamless manner - Optimize the code for improved performance familiar with firebird database and report builder. Ideal skills and Experience: - Strong background in Delphi development, specifically with Delphi 5 - Proven track record of fixing bugs and enhancing existing software - Understanding of software optimization techniques - Ability to work effectively both independently and as part of a team - Strong probl...

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